Once upon a time, I knew a roach A travelling salesman, he'd always fly coach One day a crew member called him unclean That roach! He created a scene Now no one thinks he's yucky And with the lawsuit money he started a brooch business out in Fayette, Kentucky This was supposed to be my... Continue Reading →
"… So I told him, listen! The next time you call me over here to suck your balls, they better be completely hairless - Then I took my money and left. Last time I was coughing up hair for like a week. No joke!" Feature Photo Credit: @daphneemarie via Twenty20
"My mom told me I should always eat before going on a date. I didn't listen." "Mm-hmm." "Yesterday I met a guy from OKC after work - I skipped lunch cause shit was crazy. By the time I met him for dinner, I was starving. I felt light-headed." "We got our table and drinks pretty... Continue Reading →
Prompt: You just opened the front door and a dinosaur in a tuxedo lunges for your face! What do you do? (This is from Embrace Your Weird) "Hey Omar!" Hugging him. "You're late. The ladies are waiting. Dinosaurs are extinct. No one is going to want to have sex with you." "You should have picked... Continue Reading →
My Grandmother died recently; January 25, 2020. She fell at 96. My uncle believes if it weren't for the subsequent respiratory infection she received while at the hospital she would still be here. I regret not going to her 95th birthday celebration - but, by the time I rounded up the correct documents to get... Continue Reading →
The Background: Matt received a merit award. The school gives them out for highest raise in overall grade average in a reporting period. His average is 79%. The Convo: Matt: Mom look! - He whips out the certificate and puts it on the fridge. Me: How do you want to celebrate? Matt: Can we go... Continue Reading →
"Ugh! These nuts aren't even salty." "I'll skip the shower next time"
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