Mon Jan 25:
It’s official – Mondays are my blah days, followed by Tuesdays, but since I started re-taking my Prozac, I don’t feel as awful as I did last week this time. At least I got out of bed as soon as I woke up and I didn’t feel like I was on the verge of bawling every minute. But it’s still there – right under the surface. I can feel how fragile I am. Handle with Care! Let’s see how I feel next week. I’m thinking I should feel even better. And I promise not to stop taking my meds – well, I will do my best! I don’t even understand that dynamic. Why do I stop taking my pills? I wish I knew.
André was hella pissed at me today – raising his voice because he doesn’t understand why he only has 8hr a day on the internet. He calmed himself down (mostly) and went outside for a walk – Well, what do you know. Maybe he’s going to buy a gun or a hatchet! Today might be my last day on the planet. His temper can be so explosive it’s scary – it reminds me of me. Anger like that can make you do things in a split second that you could end up regretting for the rest of your life. But that’s why there are things I’m trying to teach him now. You can learn from me reducing the time spent trying to sort it out on your own, but he doesn’t get it.
You can lead the horse to the water but you can’t make him drink – I can’t even lead the horse right now. The horse picked up a machete and is chasing me, like “Fuck you bitch. I’m gonna hate you for the rest of your short living hell of a life!” (lmao!) Woohoo! I haven’t lost my sense of humour. I will sleep with both eyes open. At least, he asked me if I needed help with moving a box before he left, but that could be the calm before the second storm.
You have eight hours fuckhead; you could have had one or zero. (it probably would have been zero if it wasn’t for the SAL program). I’m glad I don’t have a negative lens on the world. Maybe I’m a bit too positive, but I prefer that. I feel like if I had a negative outlook then my depressive days would have been even worse. (I don’t know if that’s true, just saying).
I picked up my iPad and drew, in spite of it all. Now when I feel like eating when I’m not hungry, I’m gonna turn on my music, grab my iPad and chill! (that’s the plan, fingers crossed.) Even my son’s awful behaviour couldn’t dampen my urge to draw 🙂 – Why do people describe things as God Awful instead of Devil Awful?
Below is the art assignment I was bitching about yesterday, there was so much going on I didn’t know where to start – But I started and now it’s almost done! It’s not exactly the same as his but it doesn’t have to be – I will show you his version tomorrow – I traced it yesterday, maybe that’s what helped me draw this one today!