Journal

May 2 – Journal Entry

I find flat sheets extremely frustrating – I could easily get in 10k steps per day just by trying to make my bed. Damnit! I pulled the sheet over too much AGAIN! Ok – got the sheet right – now for the duvet. Shit!!! LOL. It’s a production. Of course, once I finally get it right, it’s always gratifying. It feels good pulling back the covers when going to bed. I love hotel room beds – All the pillows and covers.

When I was a teenager, I worked in the bedding section of a department store and learned to fold fitted sheets – a most invaluable talent. I don’t know what my life would be like if I didn’t learn how to fold fitted sheets properly. For the last three weeks, I have been trying to set up a connection with Securus so that my brother can call me collect – he’s caged 😦

I really miss the spa – pedicures, massages, waxing, sugaring – My pedicures never result in the same soft beautiful feet – must be something in the water. I almost took off my entire eye brow the other day – which would have been a disaster. I’m just gonna leave everything along for as long as I can stand it.

I have been watching The Last Drive-in with Joe Bob Briggs on Shudder. He is funny. The show reminds me of those late-night B movie episodes where there’s a host, and they play the movie then the host comes in at certain intervals and comments on the film. Elvira had a show like that. I’m about to watch The Winged Serpent. I love Joe Bob’s show because it’s a great mix of history and comedy. He even does a count of dead bodies or naked people or monsters – whatever you might see most in the movie. For example, “Multiple helicopter-giant-flying-lizard POV camera angles.” LOL. And he usually ends the show with a joke.

“Alright, man goes into a bar (laughs), man goes into a bar and he orders a drink. The bartender’s a robot, so this robot serves this perfectly prepared cocktail and then the robot says ‘What’s your IQ?’ and the man says ‘150.’ And so the robot proceeds to make a conversation about global warming and quantum physics and nanotechnology and string theory and Jungian psychoanalysis. And the customer is very impressed, but he decides, ‘Ya know, I’m gonna test that robot.’

So he walks out of the bar, turns around, comes back in for another drink. Robot serves a perfect cocktail and then he says ‘What’s your IQ?’ This time the man says ‘About 100,’ so immediately the robot starts talkin’ about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, fast food, guns, and enormous hooters.

Now the guy’s really impressed, so he leaves the bar again and he turns around and he decides to test the robot one more time. So he goes back in, gets the perfect cocktail and the robot says ‘What’s your IQ?’ ‘Uh, it’s only about 50, I think.’ Robot says ‘So are you gonna vote for Trump again?’”

Nightmare Nostalgia

I finished putting copyright on all my posts (my brain always wants to spell copywrite) – there must be a way to do it automatically going forward. My memory is bad. I am going to target posting my journal by 11:00 pm at the latest – preferably 10, just before I go to bed.

Oh – before I go, I am going to sign up to eHarmony but only to do the quiz. My girlfriend told me about it yesterday and it looks interesting, I wanna see what it says about me.

One comment

  1. Hilarious randomness! I wish I’d learnt how best to fold fitted sheets when I worked in retail. I did learn how to fold a man’s dress shirt and put it back into the cellophane sleeve complete with pins though!!! Randomness rules!

    Liked by 1 person

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